Micha

Micha was here!! Weeeiii!
We keep the tradition of seeing each other every year. We've done Munich, Stuttgart, Stockholm, Rome, Amsterdam and now Paris. Well done I say.

It was nice to see him again. Good timing because the "British boys" cleaned out their apartment and packed up their life to leave Paris. It was painful to see. I have gotten used to saying goodbye to people but it always stings when you are approaching the end of a beautiful road. I wish I could go back but it's a one way street. You cannot back into it as they do in Paris, you simply have to accept that it's one way and one time. You'll always have the memories and new friendships.

Micha is a living example of this! Four years and we're still close friends. We packed the days full with activities
Day 1: Arrival, ceremony, hospital, Tour Montparnasse and film

Day 2: Marais,shopping, falafel, place des Vosges, drink at La Perle, Châtelet, Notre Dame, walk along Seine, Louvre, Tour Eiffel, dinner, Frog and his brother and Helena joined us for drinks, Oberkampf and back to Marais, taxi home.

Day 3: Clignancourt market, Champs Elysée, Arche de Triomphe, Luxembourg garden, hospital, home get ready for dinner, proper nice dinner in Montmartre, thank you Micha! out at Chacha, club close to Louvre-Rivoli.

Day 4: Bye bye Micha =(

Til next time, new city, new adventures!

Birthday and Biarritz

I feel I haven't updated for quite some time now. I'm looking through pictures to remember what I've done the past weeks...
I think I left of at the beautiful sunrise at Sacre Coeur... So that evening Madeleine and Mika came over and saw the apartment, we had a classic wine evening with home made chocolate cake, strawberries and vanilla cream, yummy! I treated Mika to a massage and later the boys came over to try some of the almost non existing cake (what do you expect when you leave four chocolate crazy girls with a cake in front of them...?)

The past weeks me and Julia have tried to do the things we've missed, like Pompidou (modern art still isn't my cup of tea) I did get offered a role in a short film though by some creepy artist, I said no.... Trying to walk to La Fayette we got lost and found the cutest and oldest little galerie with old book shops and a vintage store. Adorable!

We went to a jazz club called La caveau in Saint Michel. Located in the most touristy area it is really genuine and cute. Bartender is funny, band is great, atmosphere pleasant, top grades really! Got to dance some swing as well!

Oh and it was my birthday! Hip hip hurrah! 22 years old, wow...
We started the day before with Mika, Julia, Helena, my two old room mates from mexico, two girls from Denmark, Fynn and Phil, pic nic in the park of a student residence. We had such a great and crazy night, I got thrown in the air by the boys, we jumped through bushes (nothing I haven't done before), I tried, successfully, to climbed a very big fence, got some bruises but I made it, and then we biked all the way home, about 50 minutes...

With very little sleep, some of us had none, we made our way to Chateau Versailles! The garden is one of the most beautiful places I've seen, it wasn't too crowded either so it felt rather peaceful.

We had a party at the "British boys" house, farewell and B'day party! So much fun, some girls from Estaca had baked me a birthday cake (never met them before so this was very sweet!) and Fynn baked a banana toffee cake (it's a pie, I know!)
I got some great presents but best of all was being with the people who made my trip so great!

Shots in a Swedish flag (Vodka, orange juice and Curaca and vodka, some contain gin also)

Estaca "shitaca" crowd

I left the house at 5.00 to wake Julia up after 2 hours sleep. We packed and at 7.10 we took the train to Biarritz! Wohooo!!! Sleep zzzzzz, at least the 5 hour train ride went really quickly. We were greeted by nice weather and Flo whos couch we stayed on. I really randomly ran into Gustav Sverin from my high school. The world is a small place!

The weather went on to get shitty so we decided to try surfing! You know what... We rocked it!

Surfing is not easy.... But we managed to stand up the first time and our instructor said I did très bien! =D

Second time we tried, we went with a group who'd done surfing for some time, so I was a little worried about the level. The weather was shit, it was raining and the waves quite high. I'm not super confident in water so I was a little scared. I did get the board in my head the first day so after that I kind of felt like, well, that was the worst that could happen so... This time felt more scary because you were out on deeper water and once you got out it was fine, but if you managed to catch a wave and wanted to go out again after you had to go through all the broken waves coming your way. It was not easy, and they knock you over, but as soon as you get up over the surface again, another one comes! Really tiring and finally I managed to locate the instructor and he took us in to more shallow water. The third and last day went really really well! I stood up most times, all the way to the beach and I even managed to catch an unbroken wave and follow it sideways! So proud!

We had one day of good weather and we got super burnt. "It's the only day with sun, let's skip sun screen and just fry ourselves all day" great idea Madeleine....

Biarritz is beautiful, I'd love to go back, and I definitely want to do surfing again!

The life of Madeleine

Recently in The life of Madeleine: devastated when she lost her favourite neckless, the first-time visit at the Opèra made up for it a bit, however a couple of days later she comes home to two burned scarfs, and later that day she finds out she's a victim of fraud.... You are watching, The life of Madeleine.

That is what my life feels like right now. Random things just keep happening, one accident seems to carry several more. It's a package deal, buy one get 15 for free. The words of Amanda: "Luck? Do you even know how to spell it?"
Apparently not. But with all the bad luck I've had recently I'm sure hoping for some good! Although, it's not all bad.

Market at Clignancourt

Parc Monceau

I went to the Opèra the other night, with Mika and her friend. We saw La Bayadère. It was indescribable. I have no words. I was smiling through the 3 hour show. Wow! Simply incredible...

After the ballet I went to Celine's, drank a decent amount of cheap wine, and ended up biking home in socks from Panthéon to Montmartre. It's not that far actually and the Vélib system is really good!

I've been able to visit Jen the other day. She's better. I'm really happy and relieved!

We have visited Musée de l'Orangerie, eight massive paintings by Monet. They were fantastic, it's definitely one of my favourite museums. They also had a collection of Renoir and Cézanne. Go there!! Loved it!
Madeleine church has also been crossed of the list of touristy activities left to do before leaving Paris.

Yesterday Mika had her goodbye dinner. DON'T LEAVE! =( It was really nice to meet the good ol' gang again! Madeleine, Björn, Enrique, Anton, Frog, old flatmates and a Danish girl. This is where we had our first dinner together, and now also our last... (maybe)

This morning I went up at 5.00 AM, I woke the girls up and half past we walked up to the Sacre Coeur to watch the sunrise. It was definitely worth it!

These are the moments that make it all worth it.
Some damn idiot has signed a new phone contract in my name. Don't understand how. So much has happened the past weeks that I just don't care. I almost just felt like laughing. I did laugh. What worries me is what might come into the light later on... Will he/they/she be able to do something else with whatever information they have? Little bit scary...

I'm glad I have my friends and I'm so happy that I have the best mother in the world.

Cykelpump

Exams are now completely over. It went well, I think. Under the circumstances really well. Oral was yesterday, describe a picture. I got four beige men, sitting by beige desks in a beige room in a police station. Very beige. I did alright though.

I've realised that the past few months I've been around a lot of death. The entire trip in Paris has been shadowed by life coming to an end, which is a great contrast to spring in Paris when it feels like life begins. Maybe that's why I've felt it even more. I left just after the loss of my last standing ancestor; my grandmother. (Overly dramatic, but then isn't life as well?) As the trees grew greener and the flowers bloomed so did the cancer of both my grandmother's closest friend and a dear family friend, as well as my mum's closest friend. The first mentioned gave in a few months ago to the same cancer that took my grandmother away. The latter is still fighting. He has been with me all through my childhood, as far as I can remember. He's been like a father and a really annoying brother at the same time. I'll always remember his useless jokes:
"I spika betar änglish dan jo" and of course
"Want to hear a funny word....: Bikepump (Cykelpump)"
It feels weird not being able to be there with him during his last hours. Taking the first plane there, I still might not get there in time. It's hard. I am tired of death. I want life.

No matter how hard your life feels, at least you have your health, your friends and the world at your feet.
Go live!

Revision!

So, revision. Oh yeah, I think during my two years half out of school I somewhere misplaced my study-skills. Or maybe just my motivation... Tomorrow there is the exam, the dreaded exam where my French will be put to the test, c'est une emmerde (it's a pain in the butt, that'll be useful in the exam...)... I have to say though that the circumstances have been rather unusual and difficult so maybe it would have been different. It is the way it is and the French grammar can bite me! Do you want to make it just a little bit more complicated please!? Future in the past, pronouns in the middle of two verbs except for this this and this, prepositions (my favourite) and why not make a few more verb forms? Nevermind. Instead of studying I have engaged in other activities!

Sunday, I took Jess and Jem to Le Marais for some vintage shopping and the must-have falafel! Oh so good... Shopping was short but sweet, definitely successful! I said au revoir and went home to watch a film with my dear flatmate Julia and the Irish and Scottish boys. We watched 500 days of summer. Never heard of it before, quite enjoyed it. Different take on a love story...

Jules and I have made a habit of going out walking every morning. We live in the Montmartre so there are a lot of stairs to climb!

Half the stairs done!

The last to go!

Quite a view...

Legendary picture!

It's such a nice area. If you want to live in Paris you want to live here! It's a more relaxed part, doesn't feel as pretentious as the center sometimes can perceived as. People aren't as arrogant, it's beautiful and very picturesque. (With the ghetto area just around the corner though, all part of the charm!) I've really fallen back in love with Paris after a little rough path. Paris will always be in my heart. There is something special about this city...

I just need to say that the French bureaucracy is RIDICULOUS! Everything here is so complicated. I'm in the process of cancelling mine and Jen's internet contract. They have hundreds of stores but no, you can't cancel it here, you have to call this number. Fine, I'll call... Don't understand shit so Frog calls for me. You can't cancel it unless you have a certain number. Right, shit, I have to send a stupid letter then... I find the number, so we call again, and the girl says: "Ok, so you send a letter to this address explaining why you want to cancel your contract and they will send you a letter back telling you where to return the box". COULD YOU NOT HAVE TOLD ME THIS THE FIRST TIME?! It would have saved me about 5 euros since the mobile prices here are insanely expensive! Arrgghhhh! So I've sent the stupid letter explaining why I want to cancel it, I wrote it in anger so I literally wrote because my room mate fell out the window and is at the hospital, I had to move so we obviously don't need it anymore... Never write or say anything in a state of anger... You have to agree with me that it's all rather ridiculously complicated?
C'est la vie en France....

A big blob of time

Time has become blurred, the days go into each other and it all becomes minutes, hours of a roller coaster of emotions. Stress, sadness, happiness, hysterical laughing, anxiety attacks, heart ache, relief, worry.

"She'll be OK" I said. "It's critical" the doctors say. I still say she'll be OK. She has to.
Her sister and father are here. I see the stress, anxiety and panic in their eyes. Well enough having to deal with the thought of losing a sibling, a daughter; they also have to sort out the practical things, school, apartment, insurance.

I have moved. I had to. I'm so lucky to have so many caring friends. I've had the opportunity to stay with many people and I really appreciate it, but I wanted my own place. I wanted and needed the security of my own place, a safe spot. Julia moved with me. It's a thrill, I love her. We love the new apartment! Moved in Friday night, just hours after my dear mother left and my cousin Jemma and her friend Jess came to visit. Not the best timing but it forced me in one way to get back into real life. The fact is that I can't sit in the hospital 24/7, I'm not allowed to see her and the doctors won't speak to anyone but the family. 3 hours is the visiting time we re given to see Jen and of course the family should have every second of that ridiculously short time.

As I sent Jem and Jess away to tourist attractions Julia and I settled in in the new place. It's literally five minutes from Sacre Coeur. It's so beautiful and so big (Paris-wise)! We had a little move-in party Saturday night, the Scottish, Irish and British guys came around (so much easier to just say British but comme tu veux) as well as Björn, Anton and Enrique. We ended up playing poker til 4 am. I'm never inviting you guys to poker again. Especially not Joe.... It was a very pleasant evening, and it's nice to know that life does go on and even though you sometimes feel like you just want to break down and cry you have people around you that make you feel better.

Big dinner table!

My wonderful cousin Jem and her equally wonderful friend Jess

Oh, yes, playing with actual money! I teamed up with Fynn (spelled correctly this time) to increase my chances of staying in the game longer than three rounds. 

School. Uh, just no. I just have no energy for school and know what?! Exams are on Saturday... Wohoo...

Last I just want to say thank you to Celine and Frog in particular for being there for me and Julia.

New perspective

Its strange how your life can change in a matter of seconds. Just one event, one decision can change everything. The window shot changed it all...
It has now been almost three days since the accident. I dont know what to say, what to do. I have no energy. I feel like I'm walking around in a dark tunnel, where occassionally some light finds it way in. Seeing her was a kind of strained relief. She's seriously injured but will be OK. No trauma to the head or the spinal cord. That was good news. And surprising too. It's a long distance from the third floor to the ground, she is lucky to be alive. Exetremely lucky.

I keep seeing images in my head. The hand dropping from the rail.The run downstairs, the longest run in my life. The sight of her in fetal position on the ground. Open eyes... She's dead. I took her head in my hands. She was breathing. She looked at me. Eyes filled with pain and fear. I fought the panic that was constantly growing inside me. Julia sat next to me, call the ambulance! What's the number?! I didn't know... I didn't fucking know!! The neighbour yells out, I've called them! Ok, try to remember Madeleine, what do you do in a situation like this? Don't move her, she has highly likely damage to her head and spinal. I kept her head in line with her spine. She's bleeding from the back of her head. She's bleeding from her mouth. She tries to turn around. -Keep still darling; I know it hurts but I need you to stay still. Don't move! You are going to be OK, I hear my voice saying. My mind is screaming.
The pompiers comes. They tell me to move. Grab her head, I tell them. I move. I cry. My body is shaking. My hands are covered with blood. I have her blood on my hands. Name? Age? Passport? What happened? Questions! What did happen? One second we were dancing and singing and posing for the camera, next second I'm sitting here.

Julia and I went to school today. Exams are in 10 days. Exams. Apartment. Internet. Practical things. I don't want to. I want to sleep, I want this nightmare to be over. I want her to wake up. I want this experience erased from my life. I want to go back in time and nail the windows shut! But I can't. No one can. I have a new outlook on life. Life is fragile; life is precious, we are not invincible. I am strong. But I am human. I will survive. Julia will survive. She will survive. This memory will survive, it may fade with time as all things do, but it will always exist.

I love you, my crazy girl.