The life of Madeleine

Recently in The life of Madeleine: devastated when she lost her favourite neckless, the first-time visit at the Opèra made up for it a bit, however a couple of days later she comes home to two burned scarfs, and later that day she finds out she's a victim of fraud.... You are watching, The life of Madeleine.

That is what my life feels like right now. Random things just keep happening, one accident seems to carry several more. It's a package deal, buy one get 15 for free. The words of Amanda: "Luck? Do you even know how to spell it?"
Apparently not. But with all the bad luck I've had recently I'm sure hoping for some good! Although, it's not all bad.

Market at Clignancourt

Parc Monceau

I went to the Opèra the other night, with Mika and her friend. We saw La Bayadère. It was indescribable. I have no words. I was smiling through the 3 hour show. Wow! Simply incredible...

After the ballet I went to Celine's, drank a decent amount of cheap wine, and ended up biking home in socks from Panthéon to Montmartre. It's not that far actually and the Vélib system is really good!

I've been able to visit Jen the other day. She's better. I'm really happy and relieved!

We have visited Musée de l'Orangerie, eight massive paintings by Monet. They were fantastic, it's definitely one of my favourite museums. They also had a collection of Renoir and Cézanne. Go there!! Loved it!
Madeleine church has also been crossed of the list of touristy activities left to do before leaving Paris.

Yesterday Mika had her goodbye dinner. DON'T LEAVE! =( It was really nice to meet the good ol' gang again! Madeleine, Björn, Enrique, Anton, Frog, old flatmates and a Danish girl. This is where we had our first dinner together, and now also our last... (maybe)

This morning I went up at 5.00 AM, I woke the girls up and half past we walked up to the Sacre Coeur to watch the sunrise. It was definitely worth it!

These are the moments that make it all worth it.
Some damn idiot has signed a new phone contract in my name. Don't understand how. So much has happened the past weeks that I just don't care. I almost just felt like laughing. I did laugh. What worries me is what might come into the light later on... Will he/they/she be able to do something else with whatever information they have? Little bit scary...

I'm glad I have my friends and I'm so happy that I have the best mother in the world.

Cykelpump

Exams are now completely over. It went well, I think. Under the circumstances really well. Oral was yesterday, describe a picture. I got four beige men, sitting by beige desks in a beige room in a police station. Very beige. I did alright though.

I've realised that the past few months I've been around a lot of death. The entire trip in Paris has been shadowed by life coming to an end, which is a great contrast to spring in Paris when it feels like life begins. Maybe that's why I've felt it even more. I left just after the loss of my last standing ancestor; my grandmother. (Overly dramatic, but then isn't life as well?) As the trees grew greener and the flowers bloomed so did the cancer of both my grandmother's closest friend and a dear family friend, as well as my mum's closest friend. The first mentioned gave in a few months ago to the same cancer that took my grandmother away. The latter is still fighting. He has been with me all through my childhood, as far as I can remember. He's been like a father and a really annoying brother at the same time. I'll always remember his useless jokes:
"I spika betar änglish dan jo" and of course
"Want to hear a funny word....: Bikepump (Cykelpump)"
It feels weird not being able to be there with him during his last hours. Taking the first plane there, I still might not get there in time. It's hard. I am tired of death. I want life.

No matter how hard your life feels, at least you have your health, your friends and the world at your feet.
Go live!

Revision!

So, revision. Oh yeah, I think during my two years half out of school I somewhere misplaced my study-skills. Or maybe just my motivation... Tomorrow there is the exam, the dreaded exam where my French will be put to the test, c'est une emmerde (it's a pain in the butt, that'll be useful in the exam...)... I have to say though that the circumstances have been rather unusual and difficult so maybe it would have been different. It is the way it is and the French grammar can bite me! Do you want to make it just a little bit more complicated please!? Future in the past, pronouns in the middle of two verbs except for this this and this, prepositions (my favourite) and why not make a few more verb forms? Nevermind. Instead of studying I have engaged in other activities!

Sunday, I took Jess and Jem to Le Marais for some vintage shopping and the must-have falafel! Oh so good... Shopping was short but sweet, definitely successful! I said au revoir and went home to watch a film with my dear flatmate Julia and the Irish and Scottish boys. We watched 500 days of summer. Never heard of it before, quite enjoyed it. Different take on a love story...

Jules and I have made a habit of going out walking every morning. We live in the Montmartre so there are a lot of stairs to climb!

Half the stairs done!

The last to go!

Quite a view...

Legendary picture!

It's such a nice area. If you want to live in Paris you want to live here! It's a more relaxed part, doesn't feel as pretentious as the center sometimes can perceived as. People aren't as arrogant, it's beautiful and very picturesque. (With the ghetto area just around the corner though, all part of the charm!) I've really fallen back in love with Paris after a little rough path. Paris will always be in my heart. There is something special about this city...

I just need to say that the French bureaucracy is RIDICULOUS! Everything here is so complicated. I'm in the process of cancelling mine and Jen's internet contract. They have hundreds of stores but no, you can't cancel it here, you have to call this number. Fine, I'll call... Don't understand shit so Frog calls for me. You can't cancel it unless you have a certain number. Right, shit, I have to send a stupid letter then... I find the number, so we call again, and the girl says: "Ok, so you send a letter to this address explaining why you want to cancel your contract and they will send you a letter back telling you where to return the box". COULD YOU NOT HAVE TOLD ME THIS THE FIRST TIME?! It would have saved me about 5 euros since the mobile prices here are insanely expensive! Arrgghhhh! So I've sent the stupid letter explaining why I want to cancel it, I wrote it in anger so I literally wrote because my room mate fell out the window and is at the hospital, I had to move so we obviously don't need it anymore... Never write or say anything in a state of anger... You have to agree with me that it's all rather ridiculously complicated?
C'est la vie en France....

A big blob of time

Time has become blurred, the days go into each other and it all becomes minutes, hours of a roller coaster of emotions. Stress, sadness, happiness, hysterical laughing, anxiety attacks, heart ache, relief, worry.

"She'll be OK" I said. "It's critical" the doctors say. I still say she'll be OK. She has to.
Her sister and father are here. I see the stress, anxiety and panic in their eyes. Well enough having to deal with the thought of losing a sibling, a daughter; they also have to sort out the practical things, school, apartment, insurance.

I have moved. I had to. I'm so lucky to have so many caring friends. I've had the opportunity to stay with many people and I really appreciate it, but I wanted my own place. I wanted and needed the security of my own place, a safe spot. Julia moved with me. It's a thrill, I love her. We love the new apartment! Moved in Friday night, just hours after my dear mother left and my cousin Jemma and her friend Jess came to visit. Not the best timing but it forced me in one way to get back into real life. The fact is that I can't sit in the hospital 24/7, I'm not allowed to see her and the doctors won't speak to anyone but the family. 3 hours is the visiting time we re given to see Jen and of course the family should have every second of that ridiculously short time.

As I sent Jem and Jess away to tourist attractions Julia and I settled in in the new place. It's literally five minutes from Sacre Coeur. It's so beautiful and so big (Paris-wise)! We had a little move-in party Saturday night, the Scottish, Irish and British guys came around (so much easier to just say British but comme tu veux) as well as Björn, Anton and Enrique. We ended up playing poker til 4 am. I'm never inviting you guys to poker again. Especially not Joe.... It was a very pleasant evening, and it's nice to know that life does go on and even though you sometimes feel like you just want to break down and cry you have people around you that make you feel better.

Big dinner table!

My wonderful cousin Jem and her equally wonderful friend Jess

Oh, yes, playing with actual money! I teamed up with Fynn (spelled correctly this time) to increase my chances of staying in the game longer than three rounds. 

School. Uh, just no. I just have no energy for school and know what?! Exams are on Saturday... Wohoo...

Last I just want to say thank you to Celine and Frog in particular for being there for me and Julia.

New perspective

Its strange how your life can change in a matter of seconds. Just one event, one decision can change everything. The window shot changed it all...
It has now been almost three days since the accident. I dont know what to say, what to do. I have no energy. I feel like I'm walking around in a dark tunnel, where occassionally some light finds it way in. Seeing her was a kind of strained relief. She's seriously injured but will be OK. No trauma to the head or the spinal cord. That was good news. And surprising too. It's a long distance from the third floor to the ground, she is lucky to be alive. Exetremely lucky.

I keep seeing images in my head. The hand dropping from the rail.The run downstairs, the longest run in my life. The sight of her in fetal position on the ground. Open eyes... She's dead. I took her head in my hands. She was breathing. She looked at me. Eyes filled with pain and fear. I fought the panic that was constantly growing inside me. Julia sat next to me, call the ambulance! What's the number?! I didn't know... I didn't fucking know!! The neighbour yells out, I've called them! Ok, try to remember Madeleine, what do you do in a situation like this? Don't move her, she has highly likely damage to her head and spinal. I kept her head in line with her spine. She's bleeding from the back of her head. She's bleeding from her mouth. She tries to turn around. -Keep still darling; I know it hurts but I need you to stay still. Don't move! You are going to be OK, I hear my voice saying. My mind is screaming.
The pompiers comes. They tell me to move. Grab her head, I tell them. I move. I cry. My body is shaking. My hands are covered with blood. I have her blood on my hands. Name? Age? Passport? What happened? Questions! What did happen? One second we were dancing and singing and posing for the camera, next second I'm sitting here.

Julia and I went to school today. Exams are in 10 days. Exams. Apartment. Internet. Practical things. I don't want to. I want to sleep, I want this nightmare to be over. I want her to wake up. I want this experience erased from my life. I want to go back in time and nail the windows shut! But I can't. No one can. I have a new outlook on life. Life is fragile; life is precious, we are not invincible. I am strong. But I am human. I will survive. Julia will survive. She will survive. This memory will survive, it may fade with time as all things do, but it will always exist.

I love you, my crazy girl.

Love, drinks and poker!

This blogging thing is a little annoying but I've realised that it's great for remembering what you've done! So here goes a quick recap of the week and weekend.
Thursday had a to be a quiet one, reserved for studying. Got quite a little bit done, but oh well. Friday was all the more fun! Jen, Julia, Celine and I went out after me and Celine very cheekily booked tickets back from Biarritz. So now we pretty much have to go! We went to rue Mouffetard, where we've never ever been before......... Started off with drinks at Chez Felix:

I ordered a Pina Colada a partager between two. Ended up drinking most of it myself... Also treated Julia to a nice blue poisonous shot which I think had her pretty much ready for the night!
Then we went to New York Café and sang karaoke! Four of us on the stage singing Britney Spears - Hit me one more time, legen..wait for it.. dary! We even got high fives going off the stage... Stars born to perform!
We moved on to another little bar to meet up with Björn and the guys. Good night good night indeed! (Yes I like that word...)

Saturday! Alarm at 9.00, powerwalk! Yeah yeah, did I really believe that was going to happen? No no, up at 12, ready for a day of shopping! We went for a jumper hunt, first to one H&M, then to the other further up in Chatelet to find medium, which they didnt have either so back again, I've done H&M enough for a long time now! Mango has really nice dresses in though, so many deliciously bright summer dresses! I firmly and successfully resisted. We made our way to Marais, Jen made some real catches, had a falafel before heading home to get ready again. We met Björn and the guys in the park, it started raining of course but it was very cosy anyway.

We just chatted and played stop! At closing time we made our way to the British/Irish/Scottish guys apartment to continue the festivities. Drinks, music and poker dominated the great evening. Of course I was the first one out, see why I don't play strip poker? Fortunately we didn't play with money so I didn't lose anything except my pride... I can live with that though... I joined up with Björn and we did really well until he kicked me off his lap, then he lost it all. In your face Björn!

The cards and the chips disappeared and a guitar appeared! Yay, sing along! Finn, the Scottish guy thought I had a good voice. He must have been temporarily deaf or just really drunk.....

(I'm thinking drunk)

 At 4 we gave in, woke up again at 10 and enjoyed pouring water on people from the balcony....

Okej, I'll do some actual studying now. Oh and we booked the tickets to Biarritz!! Weeiii, 5-9 June by the sea!

Concert crash

Back to real life (in Paris!), school and morningwalks in the park. I love that there is always something going on in Paris. Tuesday night, Kelis was on at Fleche d'Or. I admit that I'm not entirely familiar with her music except for Trick me, Millionaire Milkshake but still, who'd turn down a concert for 8 euros one drink included?! No one sane...
So off we were, standing in the queue about an hour before doors open, frickin cold it was! Sunshine and heat, why did you leave Paris? Please come back, I beg of you. My always-cold fingers could have worked as ice blocks! We eventually got in to the pleasant sauna of fleche d'or, great for any viral upper respiratory tract infection also known as a cold... 
The pre-bands of Laura Marling were fantastic so no doubt we had high expectations for the band warming up for Kelis. You'd think that they would choose a band in the same category as Mrs Nas, hip hop, RnB etc. Oh deary me... No. Instead they give us a band not even remotely close to the genre. I can't exactly describe the music, maybe bad indie rock with a hint of hardrock and techno. Get my point? The singer's voice wasn't too bad, I think, the instruments pretty much drowned her out so we only heard the occasional english word, so I'm guessing she sang in english. Then it was the entire performance, they were weird or trying to be weird, she danced as if she wanted to look drugged and in to her music but it was just awkward and forced. Why pick a band like this when the crowd is quite clearly not indie. Julia, Celine, Fransesca and I sat outside waiting for the horror to end, anf eventually a DJ started playing, I think he struggled about with the hip hop theme as well, but it was fun and the music was good. After three hours though, you didn't really care cause where the fuck is Kelis?! 

We had to take the last metro at 23.58 so to make that we had to leave quarter to. She came on 23.35... The crowd was not happy but as soon as she hit the stage everything lit up and the entire evening went into a pink shimmer, she's a great performer, captured the audience and got everyone in a great mood. So it was a bit shit having to leave after 15 min but at least we saw her and heard the best songs... 

So it wasn't a total train wreck...
Pete Doherty yesterday was definitely a train wreck, it was a fucking plane crash. I like Truskel, it's a really cool place and yesterday they had a surprise concert with Pete D, the former boyfriend of Kate Moss and Amy Winehouse, ex member of the Libertines and Babyshambles and mainly known for his massive drug addiction. Yes I'm asking myself the same question, why did I even bother going? 

We had a nice time until we went up to the stage area, it was frickin crowded, I could physically not move, not even my hands and people were pushing and trying to get through and just being the regular jackass. In the words of my beloved roommate: "Who the fuck does he think he is, to let us wait over an hour for him to rock up" Scandalous but predictable. As soon as I saw his pale ruined crack face I was satisfied and could leave. So we did, getting out was NOT fun, a room full of drunk and probably drugged people, packed like fucking sardines was not my idea of a nice night out. I should have been able to guess I suppose, but the what, at least I can say that I've seen Pete D! Then again, why the hell would I want to be able to say that?

Spring holiday!

So, you got a little pre-taste of what's to come. Helena and I packed our bags and a little late, a little ill and a little extremely excited we made our way to the train to begin our journey to Montpellier! Wohoo!

We are well greeted with a warm, humid spring night and a very happy Julia at place de la Comedie. A glass of wine later it's time for the bed. Pleasantly surprised we go to bed in our own room, no dorm, we have breakfast included in the morning and it's actually quite fresh. The only complaint was the damn door... We had to spend at least 5 minutes and 50 swipes to get a green light, once the green light shone we had to break our way in with force to open the door and that quickly before the light went out and the process started all over again. This is til we realised that you pull, turn, push and not turn, throw yourself at the door....

(We forgot towels...)

BEACH! Oh dear beloved sun caress my body and bronze my skin. After two whole days at the beach we were almost tanned, my legs aren't too bad... I'm very pleased. The best part though was playing volleyball with Carl and his friend Sebastian. Julia went to school with Carl who is now studying French in Montpellier. It was great fun and we did well! Just barely bruised, tragically tired muscles (its the gym that priority one once back in Swedenland!), sun kissed skin and a somewhat sore mind we went out for sushi. Next day we were up early to profit as much as possible from the sun and the heat.

 In the afternoon Carl and his friends rocked up, we played volleyball, I managed to brutally tackle a 5 year old, yeah thats how its done! Great job Madeleine. His mother was not particularly happy, BUT she was the one who threw me the ball, so if your kid is in the way its not my problem! (He was totally fine), we decided to stop when we nearly killed a little baby, not my fault! I only hurt one kid a day... Julia also managed to tackle my foot so I got a bump literally 1,5 cm high, it looked worse than it felt. However, the combination of my injury, rocking my jeans shorts cowboy style (managed to drop my undies on the parking lot while walking to the dressing rooms... Great,
wasn't going to pick them up! So there they lied, bright yellow int he middle of the street...) and missing the second bus because of a big group of wreckless, annoying little brats I lost it. Helena made it on the bus, while Julia and I were left for the second time. There's one bus every half hour (France!!!) and about 100 people waiting again... So we walked to the next bus stop, me not having anything to throw at something, took my anger out by screaming, very mature... We decided to hitchhike home instead of chancing it with the next bus. Eventually a really nice black well-polished Mercedes stops and gives us a ride back to town. Perfect! Instead of a sweaty bus we get a first class ride. The man driving us was an old Italian and I kept my guard even though he made no attempt at anything. It was actually a very pleasant trip, I got to speak French and discuss the Roman civilisation, the renaissance and Mussolini's time in power. All in French!! Well done me!
At night we went out, a little intoxicated, the Mussolini convo kept going as Carl apparently also is interested in the Italian history, after bar we went to club, danced a lot, Julia and Helena got a drink which was purely alcohol so no surprise they got a bit drunk and at 2.20 we realise that the hostel closes at 2.00.... Great....
Luckily we met some guys who lived in the neighbourhood and knew the man in the reception. Thank you for that because the back up plan was climbing up through the window and it was a bit higher than I primarily thought.... Not a brilliant idea....

Next day we met up with Celine in Nîmes where we waited for the bus taking us to Uzès. We found a small Colosseum so me and Celine went in while Julia and Helena remained at the café.

The bus to Uzès offered an incredible view and despite being on the border of throwing up for most part of the trip I really enjoyed it.

(Uzès - beautiful no?)

Uzès is a tiny town, very old but oh so beautiful. We had four hours to spend here and it went by too quickly. It is definitely worth a visit even if it's a bit out of the way. In the afternoon the taxi picked us up and we continued to Celine's house in the middle of nowhere. The nearest house was about 2 km away...

We only had 2,5 days here but we really made the most of it. We went up early, went for walks through the vineyards, took time to prepare wonderful meals, relaxed with wine, films, reading, playing cards and board games. There's a little hill not too far away which we climbed friday afternoon and it was such a beautiful view! We decided that we were going to try to catch the sunrise the next day. So we made pancakes to bring and eat for breakfast on the hill, with fruit and nutella, mmmm!

 It took us about an hour to climb it and although we weren't blessed with sunshine it was an incredible feeling and made for some great conversations and reflections.
Celine said something rather interesting about me. "You can jump from a rock to another which could even kill you without fear whereas a spider will freak you out." True... I had a traumatising experience visiting Celine's wine cellar. I discovered a little late that there were a lot a lot of spiders in a very little space and I was caught because Julia and Helena were blocking the stairs. Turns out I haven't really gotten over my fear of spiders. But after that I was prepared for spiders, I know it's only when they surprise me and I can't get away without having to go pass the little creature. It's interesting what scare us though, being several hundreds metres up in the air, jumping between rocks that could kill me if I misjudge the distance or land just a little off and fall doesn't scare me at all, it's just adrenaline and I love it!

The best thing though, was being able to walk around in pyjamas all day long, no make up no caring about anything!
I must mention that we took the train back to Paris from Avignon and this town is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been to! Many old buildings, very picturesque, a nice river going through it, big park and fantastic castles!

Finally I shall finish my novel by thanking Julia and Helena for a great trip and especially Celine for inviting us to her house. It was an unforgettable time spent with three wonderful girls.