Madeleine

Why is it that we sometimes feel down even though there is no reason for it? I can't help but wonder if we need to cry to feel better sometimes, as if we constantly produce tears that eventually have to come out whether we are sad or not...

Of course there are things I could change for everything to be perfect. I miss my best friend, I miss my mum, I miss Gothenburg and my life there, yesterday a little girl on the bus reminded me of my little sister and despite our battles I miss the little brat... But I know they and it will still be there so logically there is no reason for tears...

I feel very confused about my future. Until this moment I have had everything planned out, I've known what I've wanted to do and I have strived to achieve that. I have no idea what I want and where I'm heading after Paris. Study? England or Sweden or maybe somewhere else? Travel? Asia, Americas or Africa? Go back to Australia? For study or work? The big question. What do I really want to do in my life? Is International relations the right choice for me? I wish I could look into the future and see that I will be ok. Everyone has to make a choice and there is no reason for tears...

Then there is the love-thing... It's a tricky one. Cary told me that love is the reason of life, it's what we constantly search but can we be completely happy without it? Or is there always going to feel like something is missing? I feel like every time I start liking someone I pull away, I find some reason for it not working out. Or I just find someone who's taken or in another country thereby there is automatically another person or an entire ocean separating us... Maybe I just haven't found the right person yet, I'm still young, I have lots of time... Spare me the tears because of love.

So basically, there are no need for tears... Yet, I nearly put a hole in the wall because I've lost a book. (That could have been an expensive lost...) Anger management? Maybe I do have some bottled up issues...

I walked into the kitchen door. It really hurt. So here I am with frozen fish-sticks wrapped up in a towel against my forehead. (It better not leave a big bump!)

Maybe I should just stop trying to see the logical in it and just feel.

I feel better...

I'll do my homework now.